Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
