Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize