i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What a dumb baby whore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
