i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
