It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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