Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.

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(251): View more from Alabama

Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying

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(731): View more from Tennessee

We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him

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(678): View more from Georgia

WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!

(404): View more from Georgia

The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport

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