That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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