Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
