she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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