that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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