The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
