I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
