I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
