Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize