Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
