So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
