I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This baby is an asshole
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
