I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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