You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
