she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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