my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
