I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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