dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
