OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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