No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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