I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize