The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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