Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
