I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
