that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
