I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
