Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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