I wanna bring you to show and tell
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
