Barsexuality is the new black.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
