I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
