we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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