so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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