Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
