it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
