As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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