Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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