I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
