Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
