Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
