pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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