ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
