'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
4 words: hood of his car
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
