i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
