how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
