Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize