So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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