So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
