I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize