After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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