As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
