awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
