So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
