a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize