her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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