i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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