Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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