i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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