You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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