Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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