I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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