I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
